Two Guys and a Mandrake
by llembas
Summary: Sirius and Remus babysit Harry for the first time.   Remus/Sirius


Sirius stretched out in bed and yawned. What time was it? Noon? Later? Probably later. Remus never liked to sleep much past noon and had gotten up ages ago. Sirius vaguely remembered whispered words of an offer for breakfast. And lips trailing down his chest. It had to have been a dream. He couldn't have done that in his sleep could he? Well, he supposed he could have.

For the first time in ages they'd had a free weekend. No orders from the Order. No late night shifts at The Leaky Cauldron to pay the rent. No responsibilities. Just a free weekend to do whatever they wanted.

Sirius's plans consisted of Remus, Remus, and more Remus. Food would have to come into the day somewhere but he had a few ideas about how that could also involve Remus. Rather tasty ideas. Maybe food shouldn't wait until later. Where exactly had he put that bottle of chocolate syrup?

Sirius padded into the living room, to see Remus kneeling by the fireplace. The fire was up and James's head hovered in the flames. Bad news never came by floo. Bad news came in person. It was easy to tell himself that but it still didn't keep the fear from surging through his body. They'd had enough bad news lately to fill an entire lifetime. It had gotten to the point where any contact with a member of the Order put him on edge. Especially James.

Even obscured by fire, Sirius could see the fatigue on James's face. "You look like hell." Sirius knelt beside Remus at the hearth.

"At least I have an excuse, what's yours?" James said.

"Remus. He's an animal," Sirius said without missing a beat. "You won't believe what he did last night when - -"

"I get the idea," James said, cutting him off.

Sirius caught Remus's eye and a slow grin spread across his face.

James turned back to Remus. "Are you sure it's all right? You don't mind? I wouldn't ask but - -"

"We'd love to watch him."

Sirius stared at the fire. What were they talking about? Watch him? Watch who? How could Remus even consider asking anyone else over on their first free weekend in months?

"We aren't exactly set up over here for a baby, you'll have to bring all of Harry's stuff."

Oh. Right. Him. His godson. Sirius sighed. As excited as he was to be a godfather, he'd assumed his godfather responsibilities wouldn't kick in until Harry was a teenager. Sirius had envisioned giving him his first taste of Firewhiskey or taking him to get his first tattoo. Not changing diapers. Shit. Was he going to have to change a diaper? There had to be a magical way to do it.

When he glanced back at the fire, James's head had vanished. Remus started gathering up the clutter that covered the room. Sirius leaned up against the warm bricks of the fireplace and glared at Remus.

"Don't look at me like that, he's your godson. We couldn't say no."

"You maybe. I could have said no."

"It's not like we had any other plans."

"I had quite a few plans." Sirius stretched his legs out in front of him.

"Doing what?" Remus glanced over at him. Sirius raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Remus grinned. "Oh. Well, he is a baby. He can't stay awake all day."

"We're keeping him all day?" This had to be a mistake. He had to have heard him wrong. Remus wouldn't have? Surely, he wouldn't have offered to keep Harry all day long.

"And all night. James and Lily haven't gotten any sleep in months."

Sirius snorted. "I doubt sleep is what James is really missing out on."

Remus laughed. "Maybe not, but we can at least give them a break. They're stuck with him every day for the next 17 years, we can watch him one night."

"That's one night too many." Sirius got up and half-heartedly helped Remus clean up the room. He grabbed a handful of empty butterbeer bottles and carried them back to the kitchen, tossing them into the trash. Butterbeer sounded good. Something stronger sounded even better, but he didn't think he should be drinking if his godson was coming over. That wouldn't be a good first visit impression to make.

Sirius opened the fridge and grabbed the last butterbeer. The bottle of chocolate syrup caught his eye. He sighed. It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair. He opened the butterbeer and wandered back into the living room, slumping down into the sofa next to Remus. They stared at the fireplace, waiting.

"Think it's clean enough?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why do things need to be clean for him anyway? He's not big enough to do anything but lay around. Right? He can't crawl yet can he?"

"How the hell should I know?" Remus said.

They stared at the fireplace. Sirius offered Remus the butterbeer. He took a long drink and handed it back to him. When the flames jumped, they both jumped to their feet. James stumbled out of the fireplace into the room. His arms were overflowing with Sirius could only guess was baby paraphernalia.

James dropped the stuff onto the sofa. With a crackle of the flames, Lily stepped out of the fire. James was at her side in an instant, making sure she didn't lose her balance stepping out of the fireplace. She shooed him off. In her arms completely hidden within the folds of a fuzzy green blanket was Harry.

Lily surveyed the room before turning back to the two of them. She took to mothering like she took to stalking Death Eaters; bossy and confident. And she wasted no time in getting down to business.

"We'll have one of the mirrors with us, if you have an emergency call us. But only if it's a real emergency, not if he needs his diapers changed." She gave Sirius a pointed look. "And he'll need to be fed every four hours."

It was like McGonagall's class all over again. Sirius expected Remus to get out a quill and parchment and start taking notes. Beside them, James had set up the baby bed and was now pulling bottles out of the bag.

"Go put the bottles in the fridge," Lily said. Harry started to cry and Lily rocked him back and forth gently until he quieted down. "Do you have any questions?"

"Can he crawl?" Remus asked.

Lily laughed. "He's barely two months old. He can't do much of anything yet." She lay Harry down in the baby bed, talking softly to him in that annoying baby-talk voice that annoyed the hell out of Sirius. He'd never understood why people talked like that to babies. It sounded ridiculous.

"Are you guys sure you can handle this?" Lily looked back over at Harry nervously.

"It'll be fine." James took her hand. "Sirius is his godfather. Remus is his godwolf. They've got every species covered."

Lily smiled weakly. "If you have any trouble though…"

"We'll contact you immediately," Remus said.

With a pop, Lily and James apparated, vanishing from the living room leaving him and Remus standing alone staring into the baby bed. The only sound in the room was the strange baby noise that was coming from Harry. What kind of sound was that anyway? Was he supposed to make that noise when he breathed?

"He looks like a mandrake."

"Just a little bit," Remus agreed.

"If I encharmed a couple of leaves coming out of its head, he would look just like a mandrake," Sirius said.

"Don't even think about it. Lily would kill you," Remus said.

Leave it to Remus to be the voice of reason. Sirius knew he was right, but that didn't stop him from thinking about it anyway. "It would be funny."

Remus grinned. "Yeah, it would."

They laughed. Almost immediately a high pitch wail came from the crib. For a fleeting second, Sirius wondered if Harry really was a mandrake. Such horrible shrieking would certainly cause death.

"Do something," Remus said.

Sirius pulled out his wand, he couldn't even hear his own voice over the wailing but he knew the spell worked when the room fell silent. He smiled triumphantly. "Nothing to it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "A silencing spell wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Do you have any better ideas? I didn't want him here anyway," Sirius said.

"Don't be such a prat, there will be other weekends."

"Will there be?" Sirius immediately regretted saying it. They never talked about this. About the Death Eaters taking them out one by one. About the growing list of names. The McKinnons. Dorcas Meadows. Caradoc Dearborn. The Prewett Brothers. About the very real possibility that none of them would survive this so-called war.

"We don't need a weekend, anyway," Remus said. "Weekdays are just as good. Holidays. Birthdays."

Sirius grinned and then turned back to the crib. Harry's face was red, his mouth wide open; obviously he was still screaming. Somewhat reluctantly, Sirius lowered the silencing charm. The high pitch wail filled the room. Sirius flinched.

"Try picking him up," Remus said. "He wasn't crying when Lily was holding him."

Sirius reached into the crib, put his hands around Harry's waist. No, that wasn't right. He was way too limp and floppy. How the hell were people suppose to pick up babies anyway? Sirius lifted Harry's legs and slid his arm all the way underneath him. With Harry's head cradled in the palm of his hand and his tiny body stretched out on his arm, Sirius slowly lifted him out of the crib.

"Be careful. Don't drop him." Remus hovered around Sirius like a Seeker about to catch the snitch.

"It's all right. I've got him." Sirius adjusted Harry in his arms until he held him in what he thought was the proper position. At least it was the way that Lily had been holding him. Sirius rocked him back and forth gently. The wailing got louder.

"We could try giving him one of the bottles?" Remus backed away from him, making his escape for the relative quiet of the kitchen before Sirius could even respond. He didn't blame him. The kid might as well have been a mandrake. If the sound of his crying didn't outright kill you, it would surely drive you to suicide if you had to listen to it long enough.

"How hot is this supposed to be?" Remus had the baby bottle in his hand. "I followed the directions Lily left us. But how hot is too hot?" He dripped some on his hand. "I can't tell a thing just touching it with my fingers." He licked some of it off his finger.

"Moony, I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's no telling where that came from."

The emotions that played across Remus's face were priceless. Confusion, realization, disgust. Remus made a loud gagging noise. "Ohshitohshitohshit!" He all but tossed the bottle on the table, staggered backwards a few steps, before turning and running into the kitchen.

Sirius sat down on the sofa and set Harry on his legs. Much better. He didn't feel like he was going to drop him now. Sirius picked up the bottle, and offered it to Harry. To his surprise, Harry's mouth latched around it greedily.

Harry was so tiny. He flapped his arms around while he drank, curling his hands into little fists. His face made these funny little expressions. Some of the milk oozed out the side of his lips and ran down his cheeks. There was no way that Sirius was going to touch it. Some things were simply too gross for words.

And from the expression on Remus's face as he came back into the room, Sirius wondered if Remus would ever fully recover from the trauma. Remus was drinking chocolate syrup straight from the bottle. No doubt to erase the taste of milk.

"Milk and chocolate make a good combination," Sirius teased.

Remus glared at him. "Dammit, Sirius. Why didn't you tell me about the milk *before* I put it in my mouth!" Then noticing the silence for the first time. "Hey! He's drinking!"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. He was starving."

Remus sat down next to him on the sofa. They watched, fascinated while Harry drained the contents of the bottle. As Sirius set Harry back into the crib, Harry let out a loud burp. They laughed, very very quietly.

"I told you he wouldn't stay up all day," Remus said. "So what exactly, were your big plans?"

Sirius took the bottle of chocolate syrup from him. "I was going to start with this, but you beat me to it."

"My Divination marks were always high. I must have foreseen it," Remus said.

"What are you foreseeing now?" Sirius asked.

Remus answered with a kiss.

He tasted good. Sweet. He'd never be able to eat chocolate without thinking of Remus. Of course, chocolate had reminded him of Remus long before now, but licking it off Remus's tongue was a new experience entirely, one which he hoped to repeat often. Chocolate was sure to taste even better in other locations.

Remus had ideas of his own. His hands were already working on the buttons of Sirius's jeans.

"Leave them," Sirius mumbled into Remus's lips.

Remus pulled back and frowned. "You want to keep them on?"

"The mandrake might see us," Sirius said, sheepishly.

Remus started to laugh but Sirius clamped his hand down firmly over his mouth. "Don't make a sound. You'll wake him up."

Sirius felt a warm tongue on his palm and he wiped his hand on Remus's cheek.

"We haven't done it like this since Hogwarts." Remus rucked up the front of Sirius's shirt.

"It'll be nostalgic."

Remus snorted. "Messy was the word I was thinking of."

"Since when has that ever stopped you," Sirius said.

"I didn't say anything about stopping." Half-leaning over him, Remus slipped his hand down past the waist of Sirius's jeans.

It had taken them quite a while to work out that position. One that allowed them easy access to each other and at the same time, allowed them for a quick escape should they be caught. That particular experiment had been an adventure in itself. Sirius had ripped one set of his robes. Or was it two?

Though they were long past the thrill of first times, the novelty of Remus had never gotten old. If anything it had only gotten better. In the past year, they'd grown accustomed to the freedom of having the flat. Sneaking around Hogwarts seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Doesn't look like - - you've forgotten." Sirius tried his best to stay still. "God, Remus!" Now that definitely wasn't anything they'd ever tried at Hogwarts. Sirius wouldn't have guessed that it would even be possible in his current position. There wasn't exactly a lot of room for a hand to maneuver down there.

Sirius let his head fall back against the sofa. His fingers gripped the cushions. Just as he started to cry out, a hand clamped over his mouth. It was Remus's turn to keep him quiet.

Sirius chuckled against the warm hand on his mouth. "We should take trips down memory lane more often." Sirius felt blissfully at peace with the world.

Remus tugged on his shirt, coaxing Sirius into his arms. Being close to Remus even if it was just laying side by side was a thrill all of its own. Remus's hand snaked under his shirt, tracing lines up and down his back.

This. Right here. That's what he'd been wanting out of the weekend. Not a frenzied shag. Ok, well, maybe that too. But the quiet parts were just as important. Sirius chuckled. He was becoming an old softy.

"What's so funny." Remus's breath tickled the back of his neck.

"Us. Playing house." They were way too young to have friends with kids. They were still kids. Hogwart's professors warned them not to grow up too soon. Sirius never had that problem. If anything, he suffered from a case of incurable immaturity.

"Dammit!" Sirius squirmed around until he was facing Remus. "If Filch hadn't swiped the map we could've handed it over to Harry when he went to Hogwarts."

Remus grinned. "He's not going any time soon. We can make him another one. Either that or we can convince him to break into Filch's office and steal it."

Sirius laughed. "We'll have him expelled before his first week is over."

They lazed around, letting their hands do the talking for them. Taking their time. That's what the weekend was about. Not having to rush everything. Sirius had just dozed off when Harry started crying.

Remus groaned. A sound that Sirius always found a turn on, even when Remus didn't mean it that way.

The smell hit them before they even peered into the crib.

"You do it," Sirius said.

"No way. Not me."

"It's your turn. I gave him the bottle."

"That's only because you tricked me into taking a drink so I wouldn't get near it," Remus said.

Sirius laughed. "That was your own fault. I just happened to be the lucky person to witness it."

"If you breath a word of this to James- - "

"I'll never say a word…If you change the diaper." Sirius grinned. He could be ruthless when he had to.

Remus pushed the hair back from his eyes. He rolled up his sleeves. "All right. Fine. Get me - -" he waved his hands in the air, "whatever it is I need for this."

"Yes sir!" Sirius grabbed the bag. He pulled out a diaper. Uh oh. It was muggle brand. Not wizard brand. Best not to mention that to Remus. "Take that one off first."

Remus pulled back the diaper. The smell alone almost knocked them over.

"What did he eat? It looks like botuberpus." Sirius held his nose shut.

"Thank you so much for that apt description. Hand me one of those wipe things."

Sirius spent the next few minutes trying desperately hard not to laugh. Several hundred baby wipes and at least a half a container of baby powder later, most of which ended up in Remus hair, Harry was cleaned up and ready for a new diaper.

Sirius shoved it under Harry's butt. He knew he shouldn't look. Harry was a baby. Even babies deserved their privacy, but he couldn't help himself.

"It's so small."

"He's two months old. What were you expecting?" Remus said.

"Something more impressive than that, that's for damn sure," Sirius said.

"They can't all be as impressive as me," Remus teased. He fumbled with the sticky tabs on the diaper, before he finally gave up. "Ferula!" A mass of bandages wrapped around Harry's middle entwining themselves around his legs until it formed a perfect diaper.

"Remind me never to volunteer to babysit again until he's housebroken," Remus said. "He can come back when he's 9 or 10."

10 years. That was a long time. Until now, Sirius hadn't given a lot of thought to the future. It was too uncertain. And if he really wanted to be honest, he'd thought Lily and James had been mad for having kids at a time like this. The funny thing was, with Harry curled up in front of him, Sirius couldn't help but think of the future. For the first time in years, he imagined happy endings. Now that Harry was here, a bad ending simply wasn't an option. It couldn't happen. It wouldn't.

"Someday we'll have to get bigger place so we can have a guest room for him." Sirius gathered up the dirty diapers and stacks of baby wipes and levitated them to the trashcan in the kitchen.

"Especially if you won't let me touch you if he's in the same room," Remus teased.

"I suppose it wouldn't scar him for life if he saw you give me a quick snog," Sirius said.

"Depends on where I'm doing my snogging," Remus said.

Sirius laughed. "I - - " He cut himself off.

He'd almost said it. Those three words. That was the closest he'd ever come. Before Remus, the only place he'd ever heard those words had been at home. Hearing them coming from his mother's lips had rendered them practically meaningless. Remus had proved him otherwise. But even after all this time, Sirius had never said them. Three words. It shouldn't be so hard.

Remus was packing up the extra diapers back into the baby bag. His hair was hanging down in his face. Completely clueless as to how sexy he was. How perfect.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Sirius only had the briefest moment to see Remus launching himself across the room, before he was flat on his back. The breath was knocked out of him. But there were things more important than breathing; like kissing and the weight of Remus sprawled across him. He decided being killed by lack of oxygen while Remus kissed him was a much better way to go than being killed by Death Eaters.

Then it was gone. The warm weight pressing him to the ground. The soft lips on his. He reached for Remus, but Remus was too quick for him.

"Where are you going?"

"The bedroom. I don't want another stroll down memory lane." Remus disappeared down the hall. "If I'm going to have you. I want all of you. Not just your hand."

Sirius grinned. He got up, checked on Harry. Harry slept peacefully. It would be all right if he left him alone for a little while. After all, it's not like they wouldn't hear him crying from the bedroom. Then again, maybe they wouldn't. Sometimes Remus was loud.

"Your godwolf is an animal."


End file.
